A DYNAMIC ARCHIVE OF A CURRENT UNDERSTANDING*
*REVISED 6/3/24*
The contents here will be updated to reflect what I currently find interesting or relevant to contemplate.
Most of it won't directly relate to the brand itself.
Don't feel like you have to agree or even care, but I want to make available some interesting ideas.
The dynamic man
dynamic (adj.)
1. - (of a process or system) characterized by constant change, activity, or progress
2. - (of a person) positive in attitude and full of energy and new ideas
I've learned that the man I desire to become is the man I already am, and that man is changing every day. I can't imagine ever waking up one day and thinking to myself, "Yup, this is as far as I go. Innovation: over".
We are all committed to becoming better people, and because of this, we all often fail to acknowledge our current virtues. Our opinion of ourselves and our vision of our future selves change more than we recognize. Everyone can think back to a bad choice they made or an overreaction
that spiraled out of control. Everyone has also thought they were so cool and smart at one point just to learn a year later that they had it all wrong. To some people, you were never wrong, and to others, you were never right. Some people may convince themselves they were never wrong because accepting a mistake would derail them completely. Others will experience a moment of low self-esteem and convince themselves they were never right because they can't see themselves being able to make a good choice. Happy people don't have regrets and healthy people aren't happy 100% of the time.
​
There is no way to confirm that you are "the person you've always dreamed of being" at any given moment. If you live in real life, things happen that are out of your control. Even things that are in your control have consequences that you can't predict or are not immediately aware of. One day you are the "person you've always dreamed of being" and a week later you're talking s*** about yourself and how arrogant or ignorant you were. Or maybe you were just experiencing a major euphoria and confused yourself. Either way, you feel like you jumped the gun or shot a blank. What will you do now? How many times will you catch yourself in this loop before you go off on an exploratory tangent?
You might just be "the same person", but you just change your mind sometimes. Of course, you will have more or less respect for yourself at the moment based on your outlook on past decisions, but it's a losing bet to count on a switch flipping and never changing again because you are "perfect" all of a sudden. We have all been confident in our mojo at one point and ended up cringing at ourselves later on. We all know the sting of regret and shame. We all know what it feels like to be talked about behind our backs about things we KNOW are valid (but sometimes won't admit it). Most of us use it to evolve our personalities and become someone our younger selves would look up to. The thing is, we will always have a younger self to look back on and a future self to look up to. Even the "person you dream to be" has a role model. Unless they are the type of person who has no friends.
For now, I am just going to accept my current understanding and make sure I leave room for it to change at some point. I recommend you do the same, but by all means, do whatever works best for you. Nothing in this context is objective as far as I know.
But hey, that could change too.
(Speaking specifically about sane people. For those who have done unforgivable things or are incapable of understanding this idea, I have no advice for you.)
-09/18/23
Productive solitude and the path to long-term satisfaction
solitude (n.) - being free from input from other minds. Less concerned with being physically isolated and more so to do with eliminating the effect that other people have on you mentally.*
satisfaction (n.) - fulfillment of one's wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this.
*true relevant definition
Solitude is famous for showing people who they really are. If you don't like what you experience while alone, it's a sign that you're in poor company. Keep that in mind when you are thinking about the way others experience you.
If they are only familiar with a facade, then they may tolerate you fully, but you'll always be aware of the lack of sincerity. I doubt anyone can live with that truth forever.
Satisfaction is often temporary. One is convinced that they will be satisfied when they acquire x amount of money, then this happens, only to have their brief satisfaction replaced with a new desire for even more money. We are influenced to desire specific universal things (money, sex, etc.) that will "satisfy" us, but satisfaction isn't "one size fits all".
In solitude, one has the mental availability to check one's values and to contemplate what it takes to set oneself up for long-term satisfaction, among other things. Specifically, solitude makes possible the experience of being virtually uninfluenced by external forces and allows one to notice that they have their own unique ideas of satisfaction. Eventually one may even realize that satisfaction isn't obtaining what you desire as an end goal, but something that is endlessly dynamic.
A commitment to solitude for an indefinite amount of time often begins with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness, which can only be overcome once accepted. A lot of this comes from the fact that one is not comfortable in one's own company. While alone, one is forced to experience themselves in a way that's difficult while drowning in external distractions. It's ridiculously easy to glance over your less desirable qualities when you're focusing on everyone else.
When one can appreciate solitude for what it offers, the benefits start to become apparent and even comforting.
I'm not here to tell you exactly what these benefits are and how you should go about taking advantage of them because they are not consistent through everyone's experience, I am simply making the idea more available.
​
-02/03/23
​
Vicarious
self-growth
vicarious (adj.) - experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person.
empathetic* (adj.) - showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
*Not to be mistaken for sympathetic
*
“Intelligence is the ability to learn from your mistakes. Wisdom is the ability to learn from the mistakes of others.”
– Anonymous
This quote does not directly define either word, but elaborates on the deeper meaning of both words. Anyone can learn from their own experience, but it takes a deeper understanding to learn from something you're "experiencing" through another. Even just experiencing through another is a far-out thought.
One can find oneself through other people to an extent. You are not whom you relate to or look up to and you never will be. It is natural to mimic until you retain enough to stand on your own and recognize yourself as an individual. You are never not an individual, but some people certainly blur the lines. And not in a "oneness" sort of way, but more of a "can't realize I can think for myself" sort of way. You will learn more about yourself if you psychologically project onto other people, as long as you're mindful.
Whatever insight you gain from putting yourself in someone else's shoes or relating to them in some way is a plus. We witness people accomplish amazing feats. We hear music that speaks to us and we see movie characters who seem to embody our deep feelings, both beautifully and artistically. On the other end, we create art of all forms to connect and further ourselves or others in some way.
As empathetic and sympathetic beings, it's natural for us to relate to one another and can't even help but do so. Whether it be a friend, celebrity, or movie character, we catch ourselves becoming attached in some way when we relate. Some are certainly more attached than others and debatably too much so.
If done mindfully, or at least in moderation, this can aid in bonding with someone you just met or make you feel less alone in your struggles in a healthy way. It can also propel you mentally and help you reach certain epiphanies about your condition as an individual. Kinda ironic.
​
-04/3/23
Marry the photographer, f*** the subject
"subject" (n.) -the "what/who"
that is being photographed. The model.
Yes, I do mean "marry"... and "f***"... but there is no third person so there will be no killing.
Jokes aside, pay attention to the similarities in the way we see people we would want to marry and the practices/traits of a talented photographer, and the way we see people we are just simply attracted to and the practices/traits of a model.
If my blunt breakdown of modeling is unflattering, no it's not.
While I'm not referring to anyone in particular in either part of this topic, I am legitimately serious. Obviously, there are exceptions and blah blah blah, but for the most part, this statement tracks consistently.
Let me explain myself.
Models have some real talent when it comes to memorizing relevant poses and endurance during a shoot, but a lot of their value is rooted in their confidence... and also, for a lot of businesses, their God-given good looks. I like to focus on the confidence part though because I never adopted the "oh they would make a good model" mindset (unless they are so a$$hole-ugly that they would be a better fit for a museum, of course). Because of this, a model's confidence is definitely their most admirable trait to me besides their ability to take directions. Again, I am still focusing on the confidence part, very respectable. Not many people can sit pretty for a camera and feel good while doing so. Thank you to everyone who has ever posed for someone else's photo. The parallel here is that confidence, with a dose of good looks and common sense, will make anyone, simply, more attractive. Modeling is pretty one-dimensional for the most part even though it is 50% of photography (in that context).
However,
there is a certain flavor of respect I have for talented photographers; there are few people who have an exceptional ability to capture "what everyone's brain is seeing" and cement that moment in a still. Anyone can take a photo, but most people just capture what they see and miss out on everything they feel. Take a picture of a sunrise and you'll be disappointed 95% of the time. It never looks as good in the photo because it never feels as good to look at. There is no *awe* in a low-quality photo. Photography is art.
An artist's job is to turn an idea, story, etc. into a digestible and appreciable medium for others to consume and understand. In the context of photography, it takes a decent amount of knowledge and talent to take a photo that is worthy of a genuine "Oh wow". Just look at Facebook and Snapchat... I feel like I don't even need to explain myself, but just in case, recall how many posts/stories you've seen that ruin the moment that they photographed. For these people, most of those moments were beautiful and emotional and they end up degrading and disrespecting them by expecting their digital interpretations to suffice. I get it if you're just having fun, especially if you're not taking yourself seriously, but sometimes it's better to just leave your phone in your pocket and enjoy the moment without feeling the need to share it with people who probably won't care. All the picture does is take from that moment. For the moment's sake, either take a quality photo (without ruining it with a cringey caption) or keep your "highlight reel" off of the internet. I'm confident most people will be happier in the long run if they did this.
Quality photography requires a deep understanding of the unspoken and the desired. "How can I use my tools to manipulate reality in such a way that awe itself is immortalized on paper?" is what I imagine a cringey, stuck-up poet would write so I'm not going to take any credit for saying it. Go ahead edgy high school poetess, it's all yours.
Like someone most would want to marry, a talented photographer often conveys a dimension beyond just looking pretty.
They are the ones responsible for immortalizing the beauty in others. Often remaining invisible, without credit. I kinda like it that way. It would be weird if the picture was more about who took it than what it displayed. ​
​
-08/10/23
The "power of the purchase"
power (n.) - the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of other or the course of events.
purchase (n.) - acquire (something) by paying for it.
My more expensive shoes make me more aware of my steps, and those days just feel longer... and I'm not upset about that.
I just wish I was less concerned with keeping them clean.
For the most part, shoes are shoes. I am very confident that not all burgers are created equal, though. I will, any day of the week, happily pay $15 for a burger knowing that it was made with respect rather than pay $5 for a burger that will just make me sad. The price tag can be a teaser for a quality experience.
None of this is meant to be taken as "self defense" regarding the product prices here and the fact that they're not dirt cheap, but genuinely just because typing about this phenomenon I've experienced is entertaining. Who knows, this bit of this page might be gone before people even read it. I could change my mind about any of these topics the day after I type them.
I'm not referring so much to the fact that some people enjoy buying things just because they are outrageously expensive, but I will acknowledge that it's relevant to my point. What I'm really talking about is the fact that my more expensive items just seem to *glow* or something. I'm assuming this doesn't just happen for me.
I know it's a common strategy used by merchants for people to notice their product because it stands out due to the weighty price tag, but personally I'm more concerned with it standing out post-purchase. I don't just care about someone purchasing something from this website and forgetting about it, but I'd like to think that the experience of the purchase sets the buyer up to be more aware of the product day to day.
I know that once something is sold it disappears from the sellers radar; they don't care what happens to it after the fact, but I would be a little sad if someone bought something from this site and ended up forgetting about it immediately.
This is a strange thing to try an explain my opinion on given my position (because so many people believe that everything should be sold for as cheap as possible), but I have confidently kept it in mind when deciding how much I'd like to sell my products for.
I don't feel comfortable discussing everything regarding the expenses, but I will briefly detail some things that are directly related to the products themselves.
Manufacturing (by amount), shipping to warehouse (by weight), storage in warehouse (by volume, monthly), packaging costs (by amount), inserts (incl. stickers, cards, etc.) samples and testing during production, and package assembly during order fulfilment. With all of this in mind, I'm amazed that some apparel merchants even make a profit. That is absolutely not my only goal, but I am concerned with being able to expand everything I am doing here using any profit I generate. More means more for everyone involved. This is all so fun for me and I hope it will be for you as well!
​
-06/21/23
​
Barking at dogs and purring with cats
"Barking" and "purring".
"animal trust" (term I made up)
-a deep unspoken trust between any two beings.
I rarely ever see cats verbalize with each other unless they're pissed, but the same cats follow me around telling me stories and asking me for all sorts of things. Some things I understand with context, but the rest is lost somewhere in my ear before it ever makes it to my brain. Are they telling me about a murder they witnessed, commenting about the weather, or just making noise to compliment your noise?
Either way, they are trying to be good company... or at least annoy you into giving them more food.
I will be referring to cats and dogs because they are obviously the most common domestic pets. At least where I'm from. It would be nice to meet more horses. I am also speaking from personal experience because I don't exactly have any "education" on the topic and I'm not willing to google things while I type this to seem smarter.
I've been told that I'm "so great with animals" or that I "can definitely speak dog" and I won't deny that I get along with most domestic animals well, but I'm curious about what I must be doing that other people aren't. Multiple times I've been told that someone's cat is very scared of people, especially men in general, and almost always ended up getting the honor of being rubbed up against and even laid on. When I reflect on the interactions I remember, I don't recall doing anything that stands out. So what if it's not a matter of doing a certain thing, but being a certain way?
I have always been the type of person to end up on the floor with an animal when it's appropriate and have never been the type of person to excessively obsess over a dog at a party or cat on the sidewalk. When I was very young my dad taught me how to introduce myself to pets by being calm and offering a non-threatening, somewhat limp, palm-down, hand for them to sniff or lick or whatever. Some dogs, like people, skip the introduction and go right for the face, so there's no need to "shake their hand". I can't stand when people smother a stranger's pet in public. This "introduction" has become an unconscious habit when meeting any animal and I've noticed that it is slightly different between dogs and cats. Now that I have given this some dedicated thought, I'm convinced that first impressions are the biggest factor in communicating with these animals (this could already be common knowledge, but I'm realizing this in real time).
An example of "animal trust" is the comfort a lifelong friend can provide just by being present at a stressful time, even if they are unheard and unseen. Another example is when you understand that your dog sitting near their bowl means they are hungry, and you give them food as soon as you notice.
For now, because I'm typing enough to make this section look off-balance, I will just assume that the way I carry myself makes me immediately trustworthy to a trusting, but cautious, pet. I am aware that some pets will always assume the worst in someone who isn't their owner, and that's fine. I will never force an animal to interact with me because that would be embarrassing. Really embarrassing.
​
-05/15/23
​
I am also contemplating what pets have taught me. Specifically what cats have possibly taught me about lack of concern (in a positive way) and what dogs have taught me about wholehearted love/passion. Have you ever seen a dog compete in anything? They're not even aware that they are competing they're just loving whatever they're doing to the point of absolute
abandon.
​
-08/10/23
​
As someone who paints houses professionally, I meet a lot of pets. I've realized that I slowly show scared pets that they can trust me over the course of a week or so by remaining very calm around them, avoiding intimidating eye contact, and even being overly vulnerable. All of that might sound super normal and obvious, but I'm going to briefly break it down.
Day one the cat runs away and hides like its life depends on it. I don't react. Day two the cat sits still off to the side but runs away once I inevitably make my way to that side of the room. I completely ignore it again. Day three I catch the cat staring at me so I glance back briefly with relaxed eyes. The cat keeps looking at me so I face it and close my eyes, then slowly open them. The cat eventually moves away, but not in a panic. Day four the cat watches me walk through the door and stays put as I walk by. Ignoring the cat completely, I carry on working until I catch the cat staring again. This time I work my way to the cat's side of the room and approach from a low angle with a limp hand. I let it smell my hand, then I ignore the cat again. The cat hangs around. Day five the cat meets me at the door and I let it sniff my hand again. I hold my hand there longer this time and wait for the signature cat rub. It doesn't happen so I continue work and try again later. This time it works and I linger until the cat walks away. Day six the cat waits until we cross paths naturally and shows interest in getting my attention. I meet it with a limp hand and boom, made a new friend.
I ignore the cat to make it obvious that I am not concerned or nervous and give the cat space to be curious, unbothered. For the most part, animals will mirror your tone. Obviously, this doesn't happen every time and this was also a very simplified example, but this is all I'm willing to type here.
​
-10/21/23
Perspective stoicism
perspective (n.) - a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
stoicism (n.) - the endurance* of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.
*key word implying that the feelings are felt and not simply ignored
Imagine you're looking at two men sitting next to each other on a bench. They both have the same look about them; both seem to be content. They have both been sitting there since noon. The first man woke up to a kiss from his wife and had cereal for breakfast while the second woke up to find that he was robbed of all of his valuables overnight.
Still, they both sit the same.
The second man has found something wonderful.
To summarize, feel deeply, but don't impulsively act on those feelings. Choose to externalize your emotions when they will benefit you or someone else. Don't be stone-faced all the time. Unless that benefits you somehow.
I tend to keep my negative feelings invisible to others, but very visible to myself. The only exception seems to be expressing my anger, either comically for my friends or to help myself burn up all of the extra adrenaline I'm being pumped with. I used to have a bad relationship with my anger until I realized the benefits of getting to be angry once in a while, so I'll deliberately let myself go off the rails sometimes (I may talk about that more, but not now).
After spending some time in conscious
solitude I have started to develop a habit of consciously internalizing my feelings because there was nobody to express them to. Now that I'm starting to reintroduce
myself into a more common social life I'm realizing that I have lost a lot of my ability to communicate my feelings and I will often be quiet around people, but fully present.
I'm always on. I have become very aware of my emotions and their relationship with myself and each other. I experience pain like everyone else, but I choose to react consciously rather than instinctually. Being able to step back and handle an emotion grants me peace of mind while also allowing me to view my emotions and learn from them to provide constant feedback to myself. That was almost word soup, but I don't know how else to say it.
Simply not feeling is not respectable, but feeling deeply and maintaining composure is a very respectable feat in my opinion. Anyone can become numb to something if they lack the effort to prevent it and I have actually witnessed people who believe being numb is commendable or quirky. It can be relatable, but I feel like it's limiting/damaging. Being in control while most people would be falling apart increases self-esteem which often translates directly to confidence. It also can earn the respect of others who hope to accomplish the same thing eventually.
​
-03/13/23
*More coming eventually*
This section is updated periodically to include new things or remove old things that are no longer relevant